Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
