i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
