we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize