does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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