i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
