Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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