called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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