we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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