I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
