i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
