the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
