I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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