Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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