you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
