My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
