he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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