$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
