I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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