I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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