Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
