I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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