Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
