Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
