I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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