you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
