i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
