Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
