if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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