I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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