Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
