Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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