can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
