I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
