ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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