This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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