So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
