She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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