I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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