just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
