Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
