i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hippo gnu deer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I want is dick and wine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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