it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
