he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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