from now on my penis is your penis
my phone needs a breathalizer
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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