My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
