So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
