bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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