shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
