the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
