Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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