I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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