my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
