1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Randomize
