I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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