So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
