Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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