brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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