then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
