the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
