lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize