Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize