My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What a fucking waste of an outfit
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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