the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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